


The Very Secret Diary of Lucrezia Borgia

by Emma_Oz



Category: 15th Century CE RPF
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-18
Updated: 2011-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-27 11:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_Oz/pseuds/Emma_Oz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neifile7 asked for a story set in 15th century Italy, so here is a story about Lucrezia Borgia.</p><p>I intended to write a light-hearted romp filled with comic exaggeration, but I found that it was almost impossible to exaggerate her life. For an example, check out the actual, real life details of the notorious Banquet of Chestnuts.</p><p>I suspect that this fic makes very little sense without the context - so please read the notes!</p><p>Thanks to Baby_Elvis for the beta. Any errors and comical historical inaccuracies are mine alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Very Secret Diary of Lucrezia Borgia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neifile7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neifile7/gifts).



> In order to make sense of this story you might want to begin with this summary of her life.
> 
> Lucrezia Borgia was the illegitimate daughter of Rodrigo Borgia, who became Pope Alexander VI. Her brothers included Cesare Borgia, Giovanni Borgia, and Gioffre Borgia. It is often suggested that Cesare and Lucrezia and/or Alexander and Lucrezia may have had an incestuous relationship.
> 
> Her marriages were:
> 
> * two early betrothals to Juan de Centelles and Don Gasparo, Count of Aversa.
> 
> * at thirteen to Giovanni Sforza, the illlegitimate son of the lord of Pesaro and Gradara. This marriage was dissolved on the grounds of non-consummation, amidst rumours that Lucrezia was pregnant and the mother of the infamous ‘Infans Romanus’. (Pope Alexander VI issued two bulls about this little boy, the first recognising the Infans Romanus as the son of her brother Cesare and the second - not released at the time - as his own son. Neither bull mentioned Lucrezia.)
> 
> * at eighteen to Alfonso of Aragon, duke of Bisceglie. She had a son with him before her brother Cesare arranged his murder.
> 
> * at twenty one to Alfonso d’Este, duke of Ferrara. She had six children with him before dying from complications from the birth of her last child in 1519. This marriage seems to have been a happy (though definitely non-monogamous) one.

18 April 1492

Birthday! Got excellent gifts for birthday, including fab jewellery from Cesare. He really is the best brother a girl ever had.

In other news, Father has summoned me again which probably means another betrothal. Mother says it is time to actually get married. At thirteen I am too old to be waiting around for a better deal.

I have noticed that each successive fiance does appear to be less attractive. Not a good pattern so perhaps I’d better marry before Father finds a really well connected octaganarian to betroth me to.

1 February 1493

Apparently Father wants me to marry Giovanni Sforza. On the plus side, it’s a valuable Milanese alliance. On the minus, he’d only be valuable as a condottiero.

Still, it does mean a place of my own. And a girl likes to know what she’s worth - a dowry of 31,000 ducats.. . so woo!

Cesare says I’m worth even more.

12 June 1493

Wedding today. I looked amazing. Wore cloth of gold, with pearl embossed overskirt. And Mother’s saphire necklace and diadem. And red shoes and Venetian lace garters. Gio also there.

Father went above and beyond. Think this one will be remembered for quite some time, especially the after-party in the vault of St Peters. The cage of lizards and wine was an inspired touch and even Father (who some might say is a little jaded) was amazed by the display put on by the Viennese dwarves.

The matrimonial arrangements included a year in Rome so I am not off to the sticks yet. I will meet Cesare later today - he wants to see if we can get the dwarves to give a private performance. I say it won’t be the same without the bearded lady.

The court historian wrote: ‘Many other things are being said, but I am not reporting them because they are not true, and if they were true they would, in any case, be unbelievable.’ Now that’s a party.

17 May 1494

Have moved to Pesaro. OMG, what a dump. No shops, no jewelers, no parties, and when I asked the maid what people did for fun she said they walk to the duck pond.

Surely she was joking.

4 June 1494

Gio is certainly no Cesare. A limper, less active condottiero there has never been.

4 August 1494

Cesare just left and I am already bored out of my mind. Think I will go and feed the ducks.

At least I’ve got some fab new jewels he gave me, including a cunning ring.

2 February 1495

Cesare tells me that Naples fashions are much worn in court. Must see if I can find a way to trade up.

13 June 1495

Quite pleased with what Niccolo Cagnolo of Parma wrote about me: ‘She is of average height and gracefully built with rather a long face but a fine nose and blonde hair, pale eyes and a full mouth, with dazzling white teeth; her neck is elegant, her bosom well-proportioned, and she has a cheerful, happy manner.’

That’s me to a T - especially the bit about the well proportioned bosom.

30 May 1497

At Father’s for a visit. Never like Rome at this time of year - it’s swarming with nuns.

Anyway, Cesare told me that Father told him that he planned to eliminate Gio. Let this slip to Gio and now he has vamoosed

2 June 1497

I am suddenly single!

3 June 1497

I am the mistress of my own destiny. I can do whatever l like as a confident fin-de-siecle woman of substance.

4 June 1497

Father has sent me to a convent.

1 February 1498

My servant Pedro informs me that there are rumours circulating about me. I have taken immediate steps.

Dear Agony Aunt -

I am rumoured to be pregnant! I wouldn’t mind so much if I wasn’t currently in a convent, petitioning for a divorce on the grounds of non-consummation.

What should I do?

Pope’s Daughter

Dear PD,

What a doozie of a problem! Still, the best thing to do is to maintain a positive outlook on life.

That, and arrange for the Pope to issue a bull making it clear that the child is someone else’s responsibility.

Focus on the positive, do an affirmation every day, and make sure you aren’t left holding the baby (as it were).

AA

27 March 1498

Father has issued the world’s least useful clarifications that a, it’s Cesare’s child, and b, it’s his child and c, it’s certainly not my child.

I have the feeling that no one is going to believe him.

28 March 1498

It’s impossible to argue with Father about altering the Bull. He just says he’s ‘infallible’ and makes the talk to the hand gesture.

1 April 1498

Wore the cunning ring Cesare gave me.

4 April 1498

Cesare’s irritating servant has died. Poison apparently. Rather a relief really.

17 July 1498

Married to Alfonso of Aragon. Not so bad, at least Cesare likes him.

At the wedding Cesare arranged a play in which he portrayed the unicorn, symbol of chastity! He did v amusing tricks with his horn.

Anyway, the party was fun. I found some of Giovanni Lucido Cataneo’s letter describing it. (He’s such a sour puss.)

‘Cardinal Cesare’s courtiers....behaved very badly, unsheathing their swords in the presence of the Pope in one of the rooms by the chapel where they were serving refreshments... and two bishops were wounded... later they had dinner which... ended after daybreak. There was a theatrical entertainment in which Cardinal Cesare appeared as a unicorn, which will take too long to describe.... but it does not seem to have been particularly brilliant.. What you need to know is that Donna Lucrezia seems very happy with her new husband.’

8 August 1499

Father sending me to Spoleto to act has his governor.

Decided to travel in comfort so travelled on crimson silk litter on a mule. Much the best way to go.

23 December 1499

Have noticed how peculiar Cesare is becoming. Honestly, we all know why he is wearing black and lurking around in masks. It’s not because he’s a vampire, it’s because he has the new disease, syphilis.

15 July 1500

Alfonso, current hubbie, stabbed on the steps of St Peter’s. He was badly wounded by managed to get back to the Vatican where I have been nursing him.

He is certain Cesare was responsible, which does not seem impossible.

Unfortunately he saw Cesare walking the gardens and tried to shoot him. Luckily guns are notoriously inaccurate!

18 July 1500

Cesare’s servant has just strangled Alfonso. Who didn’t see that coming?

31 August 1500

Taking my little boy to Nepi. Really miffed with Cesare who has just gotten stranger and stranger since he contracted syphilis.

4 September 1501

Father announced my latest betrothal - to Alfonso d’Este, heir of the Duchy of Ferrara. My dowery has gone up to 100,000 ducats - nice to know!

5 September 1501

And now married. At least it will be easy to remember current hubbie’s name - also an Alfonso.

31 October 1501

Cesare held a little soiree which, naturally, Father and I attended. The entertainment for the college of Cardinals was provided by fifty nude courtesans. V entertaining.

The court historian says: “At first they were dressed but then they took off all their clothes and were quite nude. The candlesticks were moved from the table to the floor, that was now strewn with chestnuts which the courtesans, walking about on the hands and knees, then picked up. Finally a display of silk robes, shoes, hats and other objects was promised to those who gave the courtesans the greatest number of proofs of their virility. This was done in public in the room. The servants who took up the role of judges, gave the prizes to those they thought had done the best.’

The rumours of sex toys are quite overstated.

Anyway, Cesare and I have kissed and made up (so to speak).

2 February 1502

Arrived in Ferrara. Really not too shabby. Alfonso is a sweetie, and his brother-in-law is really very attractive.

I think I could be quite happy here.


End file.
